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Wind in the Willow

November 19, 2009

Ecclesiastes 3

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
       a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
       a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
       a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
       a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
      a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
       a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
       a time for war and a time for peace.

Three years ago, I was at the lowest point I had ever been in my life.  We had found out that the little boy I was carrying inside of me, our fourth child, had died in utero.  After several days, Andrew and I left the hospital without our son.  He wasn’t coming home later…he had already gone home. 

Grief works in such odd and mysterious ways.  Just when I think I’m doing okay…and I am doing okay…it sneaks up on you and grabs you.  Since Joshua’s homegoing, we have welcomed two beautiful daughters into our family.  God is good.  He heals our hearts and allows us to pick up the pieces and keep going.  There is though, a time for sadness. 

Andrew bought me a willow tree and we planted it in memory of Joshua.  It’s doing very well…despite the deer and bugs that tried to take it out in late summer.  Yesterday I was looking out our front window in the direction of Joshua’s tree.  Very fitting at this time of year, the leaves are falling off and it is going to sleep for the winter.  Watching those leaves fall with the bleak dark rainy backdrop gripped my heart and held on.  I stopped and took a moment to pray and thank God for time that we had with Joshua.  Even though we were never able to know him after his birth, I did carry him for six months and enjoyed those kicks and the late night talks when heartburn was keeping me awake.  I loved how he’d respond when the kids talked to my belly.  And even now, I love how my sweet children remember their brother with love.  It amazes me that they never met him and he’s still a piece of their heart.  God is good.  

So…in this season of Thanksgiving, there is a time for everything.  I time to mourn and a time to be thankful and when we’re truly blessed…we can do both.

Happy Thanksgiving,

3 Comments leave one →
  1. gfcfmomofmany permalink
    November 20, 2009 6:53 am

    My heart breaks and yet it also rejoices for you. I was just thinking of Sarah last night and looked at the prints of her tiny feet. The word that echoed to me was melancholy. I ache gently and constantly for her. I also know that she is with Jesus and for that I can hold no anger, or saddness. We will hug our babies again some day. Until then you have friends that will stand with you through thick and thin.
    God bless
    Heather L

  2. kimbercup permalink
    November 20, 2009 6:04 pm

    We will hold our sweet little Angels again in Heaven. Until then, we cherish the too short time we had with them.


  3. Tawna permalink
    November 21, 2009 9:18 am

    That was beautiful, Michele. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. HUGS!

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