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When did this happen?

February 14, 2009

Today is February 14th.  Ah, Valentine’s Day.  A day for girlies everywhere to be giddy over the love of her life.  A day to show everyone you love how much they mean to you.  A day for pink….and maybe some red…but my girl is 6…so mostly pink.

It’s just a day.  But it was a fun day.  Erin and I got up and headed to town today on a mission.  First we were going to a "Princess Party."  Yes, you read that right.  If you know my Erin, you’ll know she felt she was just one step this side of Heaven.  If you know me, you’ll know I enjoyed it, but man…I can only take so much sap.  LOL

I’ll be back to the party in a minute, but after three hours of pure pink princess partying we headed to the grocery store…and then to Wal-Mart.  Wal-Mart on Valentines day is a fun place to be, especially if you aren’t buying any Valentine stuff.  Erin wanted to stroll down each and every red and pink aisle and she wanted to hug every one of those stuffed pink and red things…and she wanted to bring them all home too.  (She’s an angel though and only asked once.)  After she apologized to the poor, deprived bear, we headed home.  So we had a long day.  I was definitely ready for a nap when we got home.  Too bad the family nap idea didn’t pan out…

Now, to get back to that Princess Party and the title of this blog post. 

We started our adventure by waiting in line.  It was fun actually.  Several of the little girls were dressed in their favorite princess garb and it was very sweet.  My favorite was the little one that bucked the system and wore a Lightening McQueen costume.  ‘You go little girl!’

So there we were in line.  The lady in front of me with her little girl and a lady behind me with her husband and twins in tow.  They knew each other and I tried not to feel like I was standing in the middle of their conversation, but that’s hard to do in line and all.  The conversation went something like this.

Mom A asked Mom B if her twins were in school yet. 
Mom B:  "Not yet.  They start this fall." 
Mom A:  "Oh, that’ll be fun for you adjusting to them being gone all day."
Mom B:  "Yeah, I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet.  I can tell you though, it’ll be nice to have a chance to be me again."  (emphasis added mine)

The conversation continued with Mom B being rather adamant that she couldn’t wait to have fun again and do things she enjoyed again and …..well you get the picture.

WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN???

What is this based on??  Did I do something wrong when I became a mom?  Did I forget that I am supposed to check myself at the door? 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this over the last eight years.  It comes in different forms – "I can’t wait until school starts again so they can be someone else’s problem for a little while."  "I have so many things that I need/want to do, but I can’t with them underfoot."  "I need MY time.  I deserve it too."

I’m such a non-confrontational person, but I feel like my head is about to explode. 

1)  How do  you think it makes your kid feel when they hear you saying such things?
2)  If you feel your kid is such a beast, maybe you should look at your parenting.
3)  Where is the basis for your thinking?  Where in scripture does God tell you  "love your children for 6 days and on the 7th you’re ENTITLED to have a day to yourself" ?
4) Being a wife and/or mother does NOT take away who you are!!!  It IS part of who you are…a very important part.

Being a mom is hard work.  Most moms would even agree it’s the most rewarding thing that they can do.  But it’s not something you can separate from who you are.  I am a daughter..I have parents.  I can’t change that.  I’m a sister…I have a brother.  I can’t change that.  I’m a cousin, aunt, wife, mom.  These are ALL parts of who I am.  If something happened tomorrow and all of my children were gone, I would still be a mother.  The switch wouldn’t be turned off and that part of me wouldn’t be dark.

I (partly) apologize for the rant, but I strongly want to encourage mothers to embrace who they are…ALL of it.  That includes your children.  That includes having them as a part of your life.  That includes doing things that YOU enjoy with them.  What a shame it would be for them to reach adulthood and find out their mother loved gardening, but had never seen her do it because they were a burden to her.  Bring your children along side you and teach them what you love.  The rewards will be more than you can imagine.

Don’t let this selfish society tell you that you are entitled to your time.  A break?  A reprieve?  A time to focus on God and rebuild your spirit?  Absolutely.   But you don’t have to give up who you are to be an effective parent.  I would even argue that by giving up that, you will be less effective because you aren’t giving your children all that you are.

I’m sure the much respected "Proverbs 31 Woman" didn’t hold back…will you?  You are a daughter of the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.  Why would you not want to live that 100% every day? 

(Disclaimer:  I am in no way shape or form perfect.  I fall short more times in a day than I can count.  However, I believe that this is the life that God has called me to.  I am a mother.  If I work outside the home or if I don’t.  If I anticipated it or not.  Those are the things I can change and those are the variables to the equation…but those things don’t make me who I am.  God does…and being a mother is in your core.)

Proverbs 31

       Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

 10 A wife of noble character who can find?
       She is worth far more than rubies.

 11 Her husband has full confidence in her
       and lacks nothing of value.

 12 She brings him good, not harm,
       all the days of her life.

 13 She selects wool and flax
       and works with eager hands.

 14 She is like the merchant ships,
       bringing her food from afar.

 15 She gets up while it is still dark;
       she provides food for her family
       and portions for her servant girls.

 16 She considers a field and buys it;
       out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

 17 She sets about her work vigorously;
       her arms are strong for her tasks.

 18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
       and her lamp does not go out at night.

 19 In her hand she holds the distaff
       and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

 20 She opens her arms to the poor
       and extends her hands to the needy.

 21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
       for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

 22 She makes coverings for her bed;
       she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

 23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
       where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

 24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
       and supplies the merchants with sashes.

 25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
       she can laugh at the days to come.

 26 She speaks with wisdom,
       and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

 27 She watches over the affairs of her household
       and does not eat the bread of idleness.

 28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
       her husband also, and he praises her:

 29 "Many women do noble things,
       but you surpass them all."

 30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
       but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

 31 Give her the reward she has earned,
       and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Anonymous permalink
    February 15, 2009 3:50 pm

    I think you are exactly right and I hate when I am a part of coversations like that.

  2. Donna permalink
    February 15, 2009 8:07 pm

    ….AMEN! You go, girl!!!

  3. Alexas permalink
    February 19, 2009 10:12 am

    thank you so much for this post! It always makes me so sad to hear people talk about their kids as a burden.

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