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One month away

February 7, 2007

Have you ever had a realization that hit you like a ton of
bricks?  Since Joshua's stillbirth in November, I've had so many
people tell me that my due date would be hard for me.  I've been
worried about it.  My due date (March 7) is also the day my MIL
died of cancer 4 years ago.  Some years it is hard on DH and some
it isn't.  So for both of us, I've avoided scheduling things
around that time, just in case I/we don't feel like doing
anything.  Around 11:00 this morning my oldest asked what day it
was and I told him the 7th.  No, today wasn't my due date, that's
still a month away.  However, it hit me hard today.  With
everything going on with my SIL, I'm constantly being reminded that I
am not pregnant.  Every time I tell her that it's too early and
the hospital staff are just trying to keep her little guy cooking a
little longer, I feel a deep ache that I should be approaching the
arrival of my own little guy.  It's hard.  It's definitely
harder than I ever imagined it would be.  I want so desperately to
see my boy again…to hold him…to sing to him…to pray over him
during those late night nursing sessions like I did my other

Thankfully our God is bigger than my pain.  His mercy is wonderful
and I feel it pouring over my aching heart every day.  I know He
loved my Joshua before I ever even knew him and that He is taking care
of Joshua now.  For any of you that have felt the loss of a child,
I am praying for you tonight.  Praying for your comfort and for
that ache in your arms to ease.  It is hard, I know.  Someone
else knows…

Much love.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. fabraholic permalink
    February 7, 2007 11:27 pm

    Hello Michele,
    <br>Thirty five years ago I had a stillborn daughter, Kimberly Marie. I can certainly identify with your pain in loosing your son. I could never have gotten thru that time if I had not had such a strong relationship with our Lord and a loving husband. I know that someday I will be able to meet her and spend eternity with her, never to be seperated again. I will say a special prayer for you.
    <br>Gods Blessings,

  2. deedee06 permalink
    February 8, 2007 3:15 pm

    Our son, Nicholas David, was stillborn at 24 weeks 8 years ago. We were blessed with Jonathan David 6 years ago. There are still times I grieve our loss, wishing Jonathan could play with his brother on earth. It makes Heaven all the more appealing, when our family will be complete and most of all, we will be with our Lord. May God comfort you through His presence and the kindness of people. Blessings from the Big Sky Country……Denise (prairiemom)

  3. Sweetmama2 permalink
    February 8, 2007 3:37 pm

    11years ago I was told that one of the twins I was carring was dying. He was smaller then his brother.
    But in order to keep the one that was thriving alive I had to carry my other baby to term. Meaning that even tho he died in my womb I had to carry him till the day that my other baby decided he wanted out.
    On July 26 (almost a month over due) I gave birth to 2 sons. One alive and one deceased. I know what you are feeling. If you need to chat or want someone to talk to or just want to know more. my hotmail is I am here for you.

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